Out Of Bounds: The Lackluster Bowl

Allow me to take a quick survey: Raise your hand if you watched the NFL’s Pro Bowl this year. Keep them high in the air so we can all see them. Now that I got only a few people’s hands raised, leave them there if you thought the game was breathtaking and you want to see it kept the same way for future years. Wait a minute, why did everyone’s hand go down? You didn’t think the Pro Bowl was stunning? You weren’t captivated by Brandon Marshall’s four touchdown grabs or Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers slicing through the AFC’s all-star defense? Good. You shouldn’t be thrilled, because the Pro Bowl sucked and it just keeps getting worse.

So much fuss is made about the Pro Bowl every year. Players get bonuses if they’re selected to go to the game, they get an all-expenses paid vacation to Hawaii, and they get to hang out and party on the beautiful island of Oahu with family and friends. But the reality is that the Pro Bowl hasn’t been good in a long time, if it ever was. It’s loaded with talent, but when you can’t blitz or basically sack the quarterback, and turn tackling into an illusion, the competitive nature is lost. Fans constantly booed from start to finish, and rightfully so. They paid big bucks to see some of the world’s best athletes compete and all they did was play two-hand touch.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell came out and told ESPN, “We’re either going to have to improve the quality of what we’re doing in the Pro Bowl or consider other changes or even consider eliminating the game if that’s the kind of quality game we’re going to provide.” He went on to add, “If the fans are responding negatively to what we’re doing, we better listen.”

You want to know how the fans feel, Mr. Goodell? ESPN had a poll online asking a simple question: “Should the NFL eliminate the Pro Bowl?” After roughly 60,000 total votes, 66 percent said, “Yes, eliminate it.” Will you listen to that, Mr. Goodell? Almost seven out of 10 fans want the game axed. Instead of trying to tinker with the Pro Bowl, eliminate it altogether. It’s the only all-star festivity in the world that continues to get lower ratings than regular season games!

Right now, the NFL is the biggest sport in America by a long shot. The NBA doesn’t appeal to everyone (especially after a lengthy lockout and an injury-plagued season thus far), many folks feel MLB is too slow, and the NHL is still on the bottom of the big-money sports totem pole. But what’s different about these sports than the NFL is that they all put on great all-star festivities. Basketball has the exciting Slam Dunk/Skills Contests, baseball has the entertaining Home Run Derby, and hockey had a great idea by having a draft for their game. Noticing a trend? The NFL just has a shitty game. That’s it. So what’s the solution? Bring back the Skills Competition!

Before the league foolishly ended the Skills Competition in 2007, it was actually pretty fun to watch. Quarterbacks would compete to throw the ball the most accurately, you got to see who ran the fastest 40-yard dash and you saw who could really bench press the most. It was amusing. But then they canceled it because amongst other reasons (according to NFL spokesman Greg Aiello), the field they were using at the players hotel no longer exists. As the ESPN crew would say, c’mon man! That’s a horrible reason!

Can you imagine seeing Rodgers, Brees, Eli Manning and Tom Brady competing to see who the most accurate passer really is? Or Chris Johnson, Jamaal Charles and Darren Sproles battling it out for the best 40-yard sprint? The list can go on and on, and when it’s all said and done, I think we’d all like to find out who can hit the hardest between Ndamukong Suh, James Harrison and DeMarcus Ware.

The Pro Bowl festivities should be about competitiveness while having some fun in the process. Let’s see a team of huge offensive lineman flexing their guns in a classic tug-of-war match. Back in the day we saw players racing on jet skis and since that could be potentially dangerous, the NFL could take it down a notch. So instead of that, how about we see what player can drive a golf ball the farthest or who can bowl the best without making an ass out of himself? There should be some really crazy and wacky ideas while making fans laugh and being completely safe.

Now, some of you may be thinking, “Oh, but that’s not football! We want to see a football game!” Well guess what—the Pro Bowl isn’t football either! So my theory is as follows: You host a three-day long competition with some of the best athletes in the world and compete in all kinds of activities. And if you still want to see a game played, settle it out on the beach in a flag football matchup. No one gets hurt, fans will be entertained, and it’ll be a hell of a lot better than it is right now.