This week begins President Obama’s second term in office, amid gun control furor and a Republican House O’ Representin’ that can’t decide whether or not it wants to have America default on its debt just to assure themselves that their lily white asses still have the ability to make it do so. The rhetoric, people, is harsh. The times, my friends, are tough.

The second term: When El Jefe finally gets to sit back and watch the wheels go ‘round. The lame duck years. Wasn’t it a relief when, three years left in his second term, George W. Bush basically just decided he was done with the office? Or at least it would’ve been without Dick Cheney’s usurping executive power, robotic heart, man-sized safe, and so on.

It’s all different with President Obama, though, isn’t it? At least the veneer, and anything that makes a vague attempt to show the gun lobby in this country for the corrupt, government-owning chunks of excrement they are gets my okay. Gun control? Hell yeah I want gun control. Do it like mom used to: “You’ll get these back when you prove you’re not gonna go shoot up a movie theater or a grade school with them. Until then, they’re mine.”

Oh, the right wing jowls would shake. I can almost hear the smack of loose skin on loose skin.

I didn’t vote for Obama this election—I voted for the actual socialist—but I’m all for a second term and if my vote had a chance of counting for anything, it would’ve been for him. I voted for him in 2008, and when I did that, I did so with the thought that no matter what else he did during his time, as long as he kept making pretty speeches, I wouldn’t consider it a loss. Well, a war crime here, a war crime there (if here and there are Libya and Pakistan), I can still say I got what I hoped I’d get.

This time around it was a little more complex, but let me share with you one reason I continue to support Barack Obama into his second term, despite his army of airborne Terminators and propensity for defining “due process” as “it took a while.” It’s a simple one, and it’s Joe Biden.

Joe Biden. America’s Uncle.

What was it Obama called him on election night? The Happy Warrior? Something like that. Unbelievable, either way. The man is a walking news cycle, and what was earlier into the first term perceived as gaffes and blunders has taken on an unparalleled goofball charm. Joe Biden is why, whatever else this term may bring, it’s still worth supporting an Obama administration. Because sooner or later, they’re gonna put Joe Biden in a room and he’s gonna start flirting with someone’s grandma, and it’ll be taped, and you’ll be able to watch it online, and it will be awesome.

Gun control doesn’t matter. The debt ceiling and the fiscal cliff don’t matter. Entertainment matters, and that’s Joe Biden. He’s not interested in pushing the constitutional limits of his office, or in shooting old men in the face with a hunting rifle. He’s interested in telling Reddit that he likes Corvettes, and smiling in a way that doesn’t make your blood turn purple. Fact: Joe Biden is the man, and if it’s four more years of that show, then I have to call it a win.

My only regret is that when Hillary Clinton runs in 2016, she can’t do so with Biden on the ticket. He’s the first person to ever make me wish Vice President was a lifetime appointment.

JJ Koczan

jj@theaquarian.com

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