Gin Blossoms: No Chocolate Cake

Everyone was a Gin Blossoms fan in the ‘90s. Just try looking me in the eyes and telling me “Hey Jealousy” doesn’t still mean something to you. I know it does. This is why I had been so eager to pick this particular record off the shelf and even more eager to put it back. My thought process throughout listening to this album was as follows:

Track one, “Don’t Change For Me” – Oh, oh God. This is like a bad ‘00s anthem that gets constant radio play because frat boys dedicate it to their sorority ex-girlfriends and drunken middle-aged women at barbecues call and request it every half hour. But hey, I’m only one song in. It’ll get better.

By track three, I am thinking, what the hell? Really? This is it? Track four ambles along and I get excited; there’s my Gin Blossoms! Shit. Where were you hiding at?! You had me worried for a minute there!

And then by track five I realize it was a fluke, and I have six more songs to get through. I think track number eight, “If You’ll Be Mine,” is supposed to be a ballad, but it falls so short of the mark I just can’t tell.

By the end of the eleventh and final song, I am scrambling for more entertaining things to do. Like slamming my head against my desk repeatedly, or watching the birds crap on my car from my little window. The one memorable lyric from track nine sums this record up perfectly: “You play a hit from ’89, and I’ll sing mine from ’95.” This is a once-great ‘90s band’s effort to remain relevant, and it’s actually kind of sad.