Deleted Scenes: Hey, By The Way, War

Blah blah blah Israel. Blah blah Palestine. Blah missile strikes. Blah blah outrage blah. Blah dead kids blah blah blah. Ground invasion possible blah blah blah, blah blah more dead kids.

Blah blah bloodbath.

But hey, it’s alright though, because, you know, the Holocaust. Right? I mean, that makes it okay for Israel to start stomping on Palestinian skulls and bombing the shit out of sovereign territories, right? Because Hitler killed six million Jews 70 years ago? That makes perfect sense.

Let’s completely remove the whole “religion is stupid” thing, because, well, if you look at it at that level, that’s all you have. Muslims, Jews, Christians, all involved parties seem completely oblivious to the fact, and so if you get hung up on it, you get nowhere and nothing gets solved. Not that this shit ever gets solved anyway.

Fact is, I’ve yet to ever hear a sound argument for why they didn’t give Austria to the Jewish people as the new Holy Land after World War II. They could’ve moved the rubble of the Temple and the Wailing Wall, brick by brick, taken advantage of a nicer climate than in the actual Holy Land, and given their people a strong negotiation point in Europe, still inexplicably backed by U.S. military concerns. The whole thing is made up anyhow, so why not?

So now Palestine is launching missiles, Israel’s waving its wiener talking about a ground invasion, President Obama’s being cagey, apartment buildings are being bombed, and all because Palestine is going for observer status in the U.N. Not even full recognition, which they already tried for and didn’t get. But they just want to go and hang out and almost be recognized as a country. Think the U.S. will veto them again? I do. Because that’s how it goes, and in the process, Gaza is continually fucked and people die.

Blah blah blah.

If I told you we could end this war in two weeks tops would you be surprised? Nope, because you already know it. Everyone does. If the U.S. was like, “two states, immediately,” it would happen, but you know it won’t, because if anything has ever been foremost in America’s interests, it’s protecting ancient land rites. Just ask the Iroquois.

The only thing that makes this even remotely newsworthy—and by that I do indeed mean that this shit happens all the time—is the context of the Arab Spring, the still fledgling Palestinian-sympathetic post-dictatorships getting their shit together in the Middle East. Like Egypt, who came out to condemn Israel’s actions. You’d kind of have to expect they would, but the fact is, when it was Hosni Mubarak saying it, you knew nothing would come of it. I wonder if it’ll be the same with Mohamed Morsi and if the U.S. has worked quickly enough to deepen ties and prevent Egypt from getting involved militarily. I guess this is the kind of thing that can happen when you spend a decade destabilizing an entire region and then throw your hands in the air and go, “Oh well, hope for the best.”

Beyond that, as far as the U.S. and Israel goes, the policy is clearly stated—we pledge to help them waive their wiener whenever called upon to do so—and I honestly don’t think President Obama has it in him to defy that. The harder math remains what to do about Syria, where the opposition to Bashar “Yes I Would Rather Start A Civil War Than Retire” al-Assad seems to be getting its big-boy pants on, starting a political party and whatnot. This Israel/Palestine thing is little more than the backup singer to the Fiscal Cliff’s lead vocals. Something to rant about this week while we wait for the next mass shooting or congressional endorsement for rape. Blah blah blah generational conflict.

Unless, you know, you give a shit about the value of human life. And then it’s a war crime.

JJ Koczan