(Or, you know, learn to keep them to your damn selves at shows, ya little assholes.)
I feel like I’ve been seeing more about violence/groping at shows than usual on my social media accounts; I will keep this as brief as I possibly can, but I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, and some of ya’ll just really need to re-learn how to be…people. Being a fucking person is still totally Rock & Roll, I promise.
GUY ON GUY VIOLENCE: Oh, you got hit in the pit? That is fucking literally what the pit is for. Stop conspiring with your bros to “kick this guy’s ass” in the bathroom or parking lot and just hold up the fucking wall if you can’t deal. Concerned about your masculinity? Don’t be. Absolutely no one else gives a shit about it. Or you.
GUY ON GIRL VIOLENCE: No more of this “she’s in the pit, she gets hit as hard as anyone else because she’s asking for it.” No more having shitty arguments with guys who are bigger than you, and going after their girlfriends instead—an awful and utterly disgusting thing I have actually witnessed with my own eyes before. No more getting physical when a girl turns down your advances. Put less Axe on next time and try again. Maybe try saying hello instead of immediately touching her ass. Baby steps?
GIRL ON GIRL VIOLENCE: Jesus Christ, stop. Drunken cat fights in booty shorts with band names on the ass? Are you serious? This is why you’re single and no one invites you anywhere and you’re always left out of the group text. Get your shit together honey, please. I recommend yoga. Maybe aromatherapy. Or a lobotomy.
GUY ON GIRL GROPING/GIRL ON GUY GROPING: I’ve seen it go down both ways. Fellas, if she is at the show, she has only consented to being at the show. She has not consented to having her ass grabbed, a titty touched, an arm thrown around her, or her fucking hair sniffed. Okay? Okay. Ladies, your groupie status doesn’t mean shit to me, do what you want, but like if he is blatantly uninterested please learn to leave it alone. It’s so unattractive that it physically hurts the people around you. Okay? Okay.
BAND ON BAND SHIT SHOW: Just fucking don’t. Don’t do it. Seriously. Do not.