For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
H.L. Mencken
Back in 2005-ish, I made a serious attempt to secede my property from the state of New Jersey. It was an annoying process that had zero chance of succeeding. I wrote about this extensively then, probably published it in this space, but I think it is in my fourth book, Midnight for Cinderella. (Shameless plug.) Anyway, it was a bitch, and, as expected, nothing came of it. (Well, words – like to get words out of random hijinks.) This does not mean the idea is not intriguing or serviceable on a larger level, so, when I heard something about a National Divorce pushed by the great unwashed this past week and the congresswoman from Georgia, Marjorie Taylor Greene pitching this to the usual rodeo clowns on cable news, I got excited.
Now, I am not sure how old Ms. Greene is, but judging from her syntax and most of the drivel she passes as rhetoric, I am assuming she is an infant. However, she appears older. I am thinking that she was likely first figuring out that she was friendless dink in need of a hug as she gathered her political philosophies back when I was busy actually trying to secede from New Jersey. She is likely unaware of its pratfalls.
However, let’s not throw the infant out with the bilge water.
Since the Dobbs decision, it is obvious that some states in this union do not deserve to be a part of things around here – this includes military protection provided by the federal government, and other aid taxpayers waste on goober states that would financially collapse in weeks without being propped up by solvent states like California, New York, New Jersey, and maybe four others, tops. They are draining quality resources form the us while keeping the poor, Blacks, women, and the LGBTQ+ community from voting, providing basic civil rights, and other important elements of the American construct. So, what is the point of them, really?
For instance, I read the other day that Tennessee’s Republican Governor Bill Lee signed legislation banning minors from receiving gender-affirming care and it is now illegal to perform in a drag show anywhere in the state. This is stupid, clearly, but, more importantly, it is also unconstitutional – like the Dobbs decision, which the Right-Wing cabal in the Supreme Court used to eradicate millions of women’s reproductive rights, blithely stomping on the Fourth and Fourteen Amendments. For those states that wish to imprison women’s wombs, I say, good riddance.
How grand would it be for Texas or that fascist sinkhole in Florida to secede from the union, so we can treat them like we do all foreign nations that practice pogroms on human rights? Unless, of course, we need their oil (Saudi Arabia) and their cheap Walmart-esque products and iPhones (China). Really – why do we need Tennessee? Arkansas? Mississippi? What is the fucking point?
Come on, give it up. I used a French suffix on Walmart. That’s like putting an Armani suit on the Duck Dynasty guys.
Once the states secede, we would begin the invasion with tactical air raids, which should secure the skies for the marines to sweep in and clean house.
Sound like a plan, Marjorie?
Marjorie?
Ok, let’s review: No point on keeping states around that oppress the vote and use poor trans kids to feel like gypsies in the Third Reich. I say, let’s make it a one-week sign-up for these states to either shit or get off the pot; leave the union or be part of America. If they choose the former, gut the local government, put in a puppet regime to return the rights to all those listed above, and prevent any Republican fascists from running it again.
Who’s with me?
Marjorie?
Wait, can Greene read?
Never mind. I’ll just send her crude drawings of the U.S. Army rolling into Dallas and Orlando and ridding the festering boils from their seats of government and trying them as insurrectionists – real ones, not those lunch pail Trumpy sycophants that roamed the Capitol Halls on 1/6/21 with Confederate flags. I mean, that is small potatoes. They’re going to jail. I am talking old time-y justice, like I heard Mark Levin brag about recently.
By the way, how long would it take that old fart Levin to whine like a baby when we smash down his door and tell him the piper has come for his checkbook? I’ve got a C-Note on five seconds.
We talk big in this country, but we don’t execute the big ideas. I am coming with one of those… or at least MTG is coming with it, and it’s a fine way to rid the nation of fascism, which is on the rise and needs to be cleansed. Democracy in action. Forefathers’ redux. Bring back tar and feathering and riding the guilty out on a rail… but we need them to secede first.
Get on that.
